Humor: My Summer 2014 Gardening Just Went Bust

When I was growing up in the rural part of Northern Virginia (not so rural these days, I'm afraid), my family raised a vegetable garden. Our garden was a prodigious one with a wide variety of produce grown in it. Flash forward years later to this summer, and I ended up with a few tomato plants to set out. Figuring I'd resurrect the green thumb of my youth, I planted the tomato plants in our side yard where they'd get just enough morning sunlight, and I had easy access to watering them from the spigot.

Of course, when the first yellow bloom appeared, I was so proud of my accomplishment that I shared the good news with my Facebook and twitter friends. I got back a surprising response from the like-minded gardening folks who cheered me on. Imagine then my sheer delight when the first marble-sized green tomato appeared on my plants. I was ecstatic over it.

So, I just blithely went on watering and watching over my tomato plants. They were growing almost as fast as kudzu. I was reliving my youth, although admittedly on a much smaller scale. Jack in the Beanstalk, eat your heart out. By now, the garden-savvy readers know where this story is headed--downhill fast!

One morning I stepped out the door and saw where a thief (i.e., varmint) had taken a big chomp out of my almost ripened red tomato. Well, I saw a little red myself. My Facebook friends were sympathetic to my plight. I devised a clever plan where I'd pick the next tomato just before it turned ripe and beat the varmint. My plan didn't work. This time, the varmint ate my tomatoes while they were still GREEN!

I'm not certain how the varmints caught wind of my clever plan unless somebody leaked it to them. My neighbor pal down the street informs me it is our burgeoning deer population who are the guilty culprits. He also sure does like venison, as do I, especially now. At any rate, I've run up the white flag on my gardening efforts. Maybe by next spring, I'll give it another go. We'll have to wait and see what happens then.